8 thoughts on my experience at a 10 day silent Vipassana meditation intensive.

Saturday. September 21, 2019 - 6 mins

In early September, I participated in a ten-day Vipassana silent meditation course at the Shelbourne Falls meditation center in Western Massachusetts. The following list consists of general thoughts and reflections on my experience at this specific meditation center.

1. I made no preparations for the course, which was extremely beneficial to my success. The fact that I had no idea what I was getting myself into was beneficial. I learned about silent meditation “retreats” in March of 2019 and a week later I applied to take a course. I had no experience with meditation. I knew what the daily schedule would be like, I knew what the food would be like, and from what very little research I did, I knew it would be a very trying experience. I discounted the physical and emotional impact of sitting still and meditating for 11.5 hours each day with nothing to distract me from my thoughts. I think if I had truly understood how difficult the course would be on a physical and emotional level, I wouldn’t have taken the course. Not knowing what Vipassana was or even the most basic theories about the technique also helped me really dive into it.

2. I was extremely surprised to learn that the discourse would be a video recording of a man talking at me for an hour in the meditation hall each night. After about 11 our of 11.5 hours of meditation on Day 1, I was irate. I was anxious. I was busy hatching escape plans sans phone, keys, or wallet when the ringing gong called us back to the meditation hall for the first of many nightly discourse. I expected one of the assistant teachers to conduct the discourse, but instead they turn on the TVs and the screen lit up with a recording (circa 1991 or somewhere around then) of the late S. N. Goenka. He opened up his “discourse” (which they should have called a “lecture”) by telling viewers that what he was going to tell us these next ten days wouldn’t be for “intellectual stimulation” and essentially shouldn’t be debated. What he was going to tell us was a truth and just is. I absolutely hate being talked at and immediately found him quite grating. He was a businessman. The confidence with which he spoke was annoying, and every single story he told (starting each with “there is a story back in our country…”) was irritating. I resisted hard and with a straight face, as others laughed at his countless tales. As the days stretched and wore me down (there might be something to say here, something to study even about psychological manipulation and brainwashing) though I warmed to him and there were a few instances where he elicited a laugh from me.

3. There was absolutely no pressure to donate at the end of the course. These 10-day Vipassana courses run on the goodwill of volunteers and donations from students who have taken the course. The idea isn’t to pay the amount you think the course was worth at the end; instead it was based upon the idea that if you benefited in any way from what you learned, now that you have the opportunity to pass it along in any way you can, you should. Because of this, I expected to be bombarded at the end of the course with constant reminders to donate. But no. There was no herding of people from picking up their valuables to the nearby donation table. There was no “suggested donation” sign. There was even a private donation box into which people could anonymously drop their donations should they have any. In the spirit of transparency though, there were a couple nightly view discourses that touched on the importance of donation and service, and those left a sour taste in my mouth.

4. The meditation center was one of the nicest if not the nicest center in the United State (or so I was told by a woman who’d been going almost every year for the last 17 years). The food was simple and vegetarian. There was a fresh salad at every lunch, fresh fruit with every meal. And local Maple Valley yogurt, probably the most iconic food of my college days. The facilities themselves were clean and beautiful. The roof of the pagota was covered in some sort of golden material and while I was there a man was power-washing it. The center was undergoing construction to expand the registration portion of building. There was a laundry room stocked with eco-friendly laundry detergent you could use to hand-wash your clothing (I would have brought less clothes if I knew). There was a “For Student Use” closet that stored alarm clocks you could borrow (so I didn’t actually need to bog my 40L backpack down further with my borrowed one), soap people had left, buttons and sewing needles, pads and tampons, and so on. The people who presented on the history of the center tried to say they don’t have any wealthy benefactors, but I continue to refuse to believe that, what with the 5 Colleges in the area and my knowledge of Vipassana courses specifically for 5 College students being offered. Either way, it’s nice that the area can support such a beautiful and peaceful place for people to reset.

5. I was very disoriented for a few days afterwards. The nature of the course isolated me for those first few days and the nature of the meditation caused this sort of mind-body dissociation. On Day 10 of the course, everyone breaks noble silence. The talking made my ears ring. I hid away for an hour or so before my roommate returned to push me out into the world of socialization. Picking my phone up on departure day and turning it on was like watching a box light up from far away. I had forgotten the feel and shape of it in my hand or back pocket (which was wonderful). Stopping in a gas station on my way back was disorienting. When I got home it took me a few moments to remember how to type as my muscle memory warmed up.

6. I used my pagota cell for meditation twice. On Day 7, new students were assigned meditation cells in the pagota. I swelled with pride knowing that I had made it far enough and had learned enough to be able to meditate privately in my very own cell. The first time I used the cell, I found it too cold, hard to focus in, and musty like a basement. I tried once more hoping I was wrong about the cells, but my previous conclusion was only confirmed.

7. Weather in early September in Western Mass is absolutely perfect for Sams. It was definitely the best time to do the course. I successfully avoided the summer heat and the fist fight for fans, and basked in blue sky, light wind 60-70 degree days.

8. Towards the end of the course, you learn the technique of love-kindness and compassion (metta), which I didn’t expect. I’m already sort of inclined to this sort of sending-good-vibes-out-into-the-world thing, but it was a heaven-sent lesson after 9 days of meditation. And I felt great afterwards.

Samantha Louise Causey

Junior Rails dev @ Annkissam. BA in Computer Science from Smith College, 2017.

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